November
25, 2008
Dating in Kyrgyzstan
Dating like we know it in the States is on the
rise in this country, but it differs in one significant way. The term “casual
dating” does not exist. Yes, girls have boyfriends, but my students tell me the
end desire is always marriage, at least for most Kyrgyz girls. I hear the
Russian girls tend to have more of a Western outlook when it comes to
boyfriends. You'd be hard pressed to find an over-30, never-been-married,
single Kyrgyz girl in this country. Hell, over 25 isn't very common, although I
do know a couple of 27 year-olds in Bishkek. They both have masters’ degrees
from American University of Central Asia and their families think they will
never find a husband. Also, the men of Kyrgyzstan want their wives to be
virgins. And I believe many are when they marry.
Personally, I'm petrified of asking a woman to something as innocent as dinner at a cafĂ© for fear her father will show up at my door the next day saying his daughter costs 100,000 soms and 20 cows. Yes, dowries, or whatever they are called here, are still paid in this country. If the groom's family doesn't have the financial wherewithal to pay, they simply kidnap the girl. It's a practice called “bride kidnapping.” It can be a pretty complicated affair. Google it.
Personally, I'm petrified of asking a woman to something as innocent as dinner at a cafĂ© for fear her father will show up at my door the next day saying his daughter costs 100,000 soms and 20 cows. Yes, dowries, or whatever they are called here, are still paid in this country. If the groom's family doesn't have the financial wherewithal to pay, they simply kidnap the girl. It's a practice called “bride kidnapping.” It can be a pretty complicated affair. Google it.
The most important thing my two years in
Kyrgyzstan taught me, as far as lifestyle was concerned, was that I liked
living abroad and wanted to continue to do so. As an English teacher I could
live virtually anywhere I desired. This would be more easily accomplished
alone. I’ve always preferred the freedom of movement to long-term commitment. I
married once and almost tried twice after that, but could never pull the trigger.
I was 55 when I finished with the PC. I stood on
the threshold of realizing another long held dream; I wanted to see some of the
world on someone else’s dime. My time in China allowed me to enjoy my two
loves, teaching and traveling. My students used to kid me by saying teaching
was my hobby and traveling my full-time job. Being a husband, most likely a
father, and having to work harder than I wanted to support my family held
little to no appeal.
Would I like to be in a relationship again?
Sure. On my terms. This sounds selfish, but I’m not hurting anyone by standing
by them, except maybe myself. First, I want someone who possesses the time to
travel, someone like a teacher, with winter and summer breaks. Second, marriage
is not a priority, but certainly a possibility.
Will I find someone to meet these two
conditions? Maybe, but not until I settle in one place, find my base point. By
the time I’ve been in Mexico six months, I will have looked at three cities as
possible homes. I’d like to look at a couple more countries before I finally
decide. The nice thing about this is that I’m perfectly happy living sans “that
special lady.” Perhaps I’d be happier with her, perhaps not. As a loner by
nature, I find peace in solitude and I almost never argue with myself.
